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Identifying as straight also meant they could avoid stigma and feel connected to a socially dominant group. Most of the men identified as straight because they felt that this identity best reflected their romantic relationships with women, their integration in communities composed mostly of straight people, or the way they understood their masculinity. Why do these men still identify as straight? Why are they not considered bisexual? Sex helped them connect with other men in a way that felt masculine to them, ironic as that may sound.
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Several single men were lonely or wanted to experience human touch, but were unsure how to do so platonically in a way that felt masculine. For example, several men explained that they felt like they were expected to be in control when they had sex with women, but not with men. Some men enjoyed receiving anal sex from other men because this act allowed them to experience pleasure, but without the pressure they felt when they had sex with women. Other men chose to have sex with men for reasons related to masculinity. I find it particularly interesting and ironic that their conservative beliefs about gender actually encourage them to have sex with men.
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These men think that sex with men is a lot less complicated with no attachment. People who live in small towns and rural areas typically consider marriage as an important part of their identity. Some of them also have stereotypical beliefs about women’s sexuality and think that if they have extramarital sex with women, the women could become ‘emotionally clingy’ and that it could threaten their marriage. They don’t consider sex with men cheating and see it as a loophole in their marriage contract. Sex with men allowed them to have more sex. They explained that although they loved their wives, their marital sex lives were not as active as they wanted. Most of these men are also married to women and prefer to have sex with women. The majority of the men I interviewed reported that they are primarily attracted to women, not men. Why do straight-identified men have sex with other men? Silva found that they enjoy a range of relationships with other men, from hookups to sexual friendships to secretive loving partnerships, all while strongly identifying with straight culture. Tony Silva argues that these men – many of whom enjoy hunting, fishing and shooting guns – are not closeted, bisexual or just experimenting.Īfter interviewing 60 of these men over three years, Dr. In the new book Still Straight: Sexual Flexibility among White Men in Rural America released today, UBC sociologist Dr. If you have unpopular opinions, put it out in the open.According to nationally-representative surveys in the United States, hundreds of thousands of straight-identified men have had sex with other men. If you have weird tastes and hobbies, be upfront about it. This doesn't just come down to acting "masc" when you're not, for instance. Resist the urge to conform! You have something to offer the world as your unique self, and no one can ever see that if you hide it.
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Still, these shenanigans often tempt people into putting up a front in order to conform. There is nothing wrong with being masculine or feminine, whatever your orientation may be. On the flip side, I've also seen masculine guys being shamed lightly and assumed to be "faking it" (as if gay guys are inherently feminine or something, and coming off as straight or masculine is automatically phony). I've seen femme gay guys trying to act more "butch" in order to attract guys who only want to date masculine men, and I've seen a lot of guys shaming more feminine gay men and implying that they are "acting" feminine (as if it doesn't come naturally).